Crossing The Line At Crossfit

Crossing The Line At Crossfit (aka The Moaning Workout)

by Jenny Hansen


Photo from Orange County Crossfit – OCCF

Hubby and I have been doing Crossfit for about 6 weeks now. Actually, I took a three-week hiatus for shingles, but he’s been going the entire six weeks, 3x a week. I’ve gotta say…Crossfit is kind of wild.

Hubby will come home and say stuff like “I did 30 snatches, and Barbara, and I almost puked.” And I’m not pissed off by that statement because I know what he’s talking about.

Let me explain…

These Crossfit people have names for all their workouts and most of them are female. I’ve asked a few sources and here are the two most plausible answers:

  1. Anything that has you on the floor, gasping for air, wondering what just happened has to be female.
  2. The workouts are named for all the women who did the founders of Crossfit wrong. (p.s. Those founders must be ho-bags because there’s lots of names on the list.)

Here’s a link to all the Crossfit ”Nasty Girls” named workouts – my hubby did Angie last Friday and I worried she might kill him.

100 Pull Ups
100 Push Ups
100 Sit Ups
100 Squats

All of those batches of 100 must be done in a row before moving on to the next exercise. Ouch.

The motto at Crossfit is: “I Love Brutal Workouts.” One guy has a bumper sticker on his car that reads: “If you’re not puking, you aren’t working out hard enough.”

To my honey’s credit, he is starting to look all buff and badass. But they make him moan.

(I’m not kidding.)

About a week ago, we were working out and my sweet hubby was on the rowing machine, dying. And moaning. Every row, it was “Ahhhh…ah. Ahhhh…ah.” He was moaning so loudly that one of the instructors stopped by in the middle of the workout and asked, “Are you working out or having sex?”

I kind of snickered but I felt bad for him. I’m still on Crossfit Lite due to shingles, so I’m crying every time I try to sit down or stand up, but there’s no moaning or puking for me. (And I aim to keep it that way.)

When I went inside to put my equipment away, there was a female class going on with one of my other favorite gals as an instructor. She and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Her: “What are you doing to your man out there?”

Me: “Nothing! It’s Tony (our trainer) making him sound like that.”

Her: “You know what he sounds like, right?

Me: “He does sound rather suggestive…”

Her: “We took a poll in here about 20 moans ago and decided you’re one lucky lady.”

(Four of the women gave me a thumbs up.)

Me: “Oh, I definitely am.”

Have you ever tried Crossfit? What’s your workout of choice? (Does it make you moan??) What’s your theory on the female names for the workouts?


About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 15 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at JennyHansenCA or at Writers In The Storm. Jenny also writes the Risky Baby Business posts at More Cowbell, a series that focuses on babies, new parents and high-risk pregnancy.

© 2012 Jenny Hansen. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me at the above links to request permission.


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